ughhh im going to KILL MYSELF

okay so idk what my issue is i dont get why i cant love people normally without getting so attached and obsessed with them. its pissing me the hell off!!!! i love my boyfriend right, like obviously, hes my boyfriend. but i wanna be able to love him normally. i wanna be okay and not feel lonely without him. i wanna not overanalyze his messages. i dont want how he responds to dictate how i feel for the day, i wanna feel without needing him. and here i thought id be stuck on my ex forever. i mean i am still deeply attached to him but the less we interact the easier it is for me to live without him. which is good! both me and my therapist agree on that. but the issue with that is that i need someone to feel whole. ive repeated this cycle fucking like 3 or 4 times already. once was in 6th gradde and that shit lasted 2 damning years. next was in 8th and that lasted not that long but it definetely lasted! and then with my ex, my other ex, and now my boyfriend. i wanna explain this to him but i feel like he won't see the issue. maybe he will. i don't know UGH. im gonna lose my mind. i gotta break the news to my ex too, yk. gotta give him the ol "i didnt like you romantically im just attached to you" talk. kill me please.